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Inner Child: Important Ally or Party Crasher

Updated: May 24, 2021

Most of us have heard of the concept called the “inner child” but may not understand how she affects us, what her important role is, how to cultivate trust with her, and how left ignored or burdened she often becomes, as I like to say, the “party crasher.” I am so grateful to my inner child because she has helped me to expand and heal in huge ways, although not without a lot of intensity. I realize, finally, that my #innerchild has run the show for most of my life, but I didn’t see it or understand how or why. It is only more recently that I have been able to facilitate healing with her and re-establish our appropriate roles.

As an energy healing practitioner, I do lots of inner child work with clients.

I haven’t worked with anyone who has not benefitted from inner child healing.Some of us have allowed our inner child to be more dominant than others, while others have been able to function more from the adult self. Interestingly, I’ve worked with clients with significant #trauma who haven’t allowed their inner child to take over, and I’ve had clients with no significant trauma whose inner child has completely dominated. There are many factors and theories around inner child dominance. You can read about them in psychology, self help texts, and other #healing modalities. The inner child deserves several blogs of her own, but let’s start with this one.

For quite some time, I was stuck in a knee jerk, deeply embedded pattern of overreaction, rage, and upset.

I have always been a highly sensitive being and told I’m “too #sensitive,” so I assumed my extreme #emotional responses and thoughts were just that. If something went wrong—like a house repair—I would catastrophize things and believed there were no solutions. I went into #panic and fight flight, all extreme, all irrational. It showed up everywhere! It’s like I had no adult self and no adult skills. It was confusing and frustrating, especially because I’m highly educated and functioning. But this was the inner child showing up, so it doesn’t matter how educated, functional, successful you are. If she is not healed and integrated with the rest of you, she hops right into the driver’s seat.

The house repair catastrophizing is only one example. My inner child had many meltdowns over the years, especially in relationships. That was her favorite! She was hyper vigilant, angry, and looking for a fight. She perceived #rejection as death. More extremes. She looked to be nurtured, taken care of, and consoled by others, and we all know what a set up for disappointment that is.

I had no idea that it was MY job to nurture, take care of, and console my inner child.

I believed everyone should do that for her, so when they didn’t, she flew into a rage and became deeply resentful. This became the pattern. She was ready to strike and freak out if things didn’t go smoothly, and I carried that energy for years. I was completely controlled by her.

Through more recent healing work around my inner child I started to see things more clearly. I began to recognize her signature #energy and how I was obligating her to be the alarm bell for me. My inner child had no clue as to what her actual role was—that is to be a CHILD, have fun, laugh, play, and be creative. She was interfering energetically in my #relationships, my business, my money, my sleep, and my body. She was in adult terrain, and that was never her job.


I realized that, to a large extent, there was a lack of trust between me and my inner child, and we were operating out of congruence, and often times in #conflict. I believed I needed conflict and extremes to create and learn in my life, which doesn’t make logical sense, but reflects the deeper #subconscious beliefs and programs we are all running. I had to be willing to parent and #nurture my own inner child, and I just hadn’t been ready to do that before. That meant I couldn't be in a rage and go into extremes—I had to create a loving partnership with my inner child so that we could trust each other. She needed to be acknowledged for who she is and what she contributes to my life, but she also needed to be backed down out of the adult role. I didn’t want her to run the show any longer. My adult self had to step up and be the dominant energy in order to allow more ease and #balance into my life.

The inner child is often time the unrecognized and overlooked aspect in the healing process. I can tell right away with clients when the inner child is upset, resisting, and blocking healing in all sorts of clever ways and therefore needs to be addressed specifically in the process.

Once the inner child becomes integrated, then greater healing occurs.

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