How often do you find yourself or others saying things like “I bought this because it was on sale,” “I’m going on a #vacation because it’s been a long time,” “I didn’t go because I wasn’t feeling well,” or “I said yes because I didn’t want her to feel bad”? Do you see the common thread here? It’s the word because that runs through all of these statements. Because is a subtle, insidious powerful word that actually takes us out of alignment with ourselves and puts us into a story/narrative that ultimately keeps us stuck.
Most of us are taught from an early age to give reasons for our choices as a way to justify or defend what we want and don’t want instead of just choosing. We have been led to believe that choosing is wrong without providing the reasons why to validate those choices. I have found that money is one of the most universal narratives used to prove ourselves.
Money narratives are one of the most utilized ways we justify our choices. Everything from “I bought it because I’ve worked really hard” to “I got a really good deal” to “I hardly ever spend money on myself” to “It’s a special occasion” maintain a whole line of reasoning in our brains about why something is ok. It gives us a false #permission around how we think about and use money. The flip side is true as well. Telling ourselves we can’t afford something when we actually can keeps us in resistance with Self. But because #money is universal and we all interact with money, it is a very safe narrative to run. No one is going to take issue with you when you say any of the above statements, and more often than not, we actually use these narratives to connect with others and gain approval on some level. So what’s the problem?
When you want something and just choose it, the #energy is much more expansive than choosing something with a justification attached. The justification contracts our energy. It’s the rational brain. It’s the logical mind. But really, it’s just a story that doesn’t hold up. The truth is that no one actually cares about the story anyway. Saying yes or no to something because it’s in #alignment with Self creates a lot more space, possibility, and energy.
In addition to money, a lot of us tend to use the classic narrative “I can’t go because I’m not feeling well” or “I’m too tired” when we are actually feeling fine. Like money, these are also reasons that are usually not questioned. I used these narratives for years and often times took it a step further by creating a physical symptoms like head pressure or digestive upset or heavy fatigue as reasons to not do something because I didn’t feel allowed or empowered enough to say no. Sound familiar? Using the physical body as a justification is widely accepted and privileged above clear choices like “I’m choosing not to go”.
I almost forgot about this one! Like money and #health, work is another universal story we use. It’s a default setting. It’s an easy way to say no. Using our jobs/work to justify our choices and create boundaries with others is true and tried. “I can’t go because I have to #work” is quite a common and low stakes narrative. Again, no one questions things around our jobs, so it tends to become a catch all. Work takes a lot of blame and pressure off of ourselves around saying yes, no, and choosing.
What happens when you choose without creating a story?
Have you ever said yes or no without an explanation? Were you berated with a lot of questions, or even told that you have to do something because “it’s the right thing to do”? Usually when others react to our straight forward yes or no without the explanation, it’s because they are triggered and feel they can’t choose something (even though they may want to). It’s easy to get caught up in the all the reasons around why and why not, but it actually keeps us small. Saying yes or no without a bunch of reasons doesn’t make you a bad person. I find that when I say yes or no without a story, it feels really good. It stops the obsessive reasoning and offers a new way of doing things to others.
Ready for change?
Conscious awareness around this pattern of justifying is the first step to changing it. This is such a deeply engrained way of being for most of us, we don’t even know we are doing it. Once we start to take notice of the language we use in speaking with others, as well as the self talk in our minds, we can begin to recognize the bigger #patterns around this, including hearing it when others talk. Can you simply #choose something without creating reasons why it’s ok or not ok? Try it and see how it feels. Losing the story is quite liberating.
If this is a bigger pattern for you and you’d like a deeper dive to help shift it, please contact me at JulieSanfordHealing@gmail.com